I am just a shell of what I used to be. Every day I feel my heart breaking. The pain is constantly there, it never goes away. Every day is a struggle.
I was in a long distance relationship for almost 10 years with a person I believed I was going to spend my life with. I fell in love, I believed, I hoped and I trusted. Our relationship was a roller coaster ride, it was not smooth sailing but I still held on, believing what we had was real.
I was blinded by “love” for 10 years and I ignored the warning signs. I chose to believe, to love and to give my heart to someone I thought was worthy. In the end, what is left of me is just a shell of what I used to be. He took everything and he left me with nothing. I am broken.
This is my catharsis.
This blog is my story.
I want to share my story, hoping that maybe somehow it can help someone who is going through the same thing I went through. Maybe it will give you the answers you are looking for, or maybe it can give you comfort knowing that you are not alone, that I also suffered and went through the same thing.
I am still healing. I am still in the process of letting go.
Also, this is a letter to you, Ted Anthony Salita a.k.a. Tee Salita, my boyfriend since 2008 who I believed I was going to spend my whole life with. He was my best friend, my boyfriend and my travel partner.
You refused to give me closure, you refused to talk even after we shared 10 years of our lives. This blog is my way of closure. After I found out that you have another girl, you said you wanted to fix things and work things out. But after that you suddenly won’t talk to me, even when you said you wanted to marry me and be with me. You just left and chose to ignore me when I reached out to you several times.
There are so many things I want to tell you, there are so many things I want to ask you. I wanted to tell you everything face to face but you never gave me that chance. So this blog is my letter to you in a way. I’ve learned so much since you’ve left me hanging, yet I am still very confused. If by any chance you would read this blog, you will know the extent of the pain and suffering you have caused me.
You’ve said plenty of times over the years that you wanted to become a better person. I hope that when you read this, you will try to be one and not just use people for your own selfish desires, and to not continue hurting other people because whatever you did to me broke not just my heart but also my soul. You broke me and you didn’t even care.
I am writing this in hopes of opening our minds and hearts, to find healing, to share love – for us to become better people. Life is too short to live a life full of hurt, bitterness, anger and pain.